


As You Will, or Suppi’s Worst Nightmare

by chaineddove, stillskies



Category: Cardcaptor Sakura, Tokyo Babylon, Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Crack, Gen, Shakespeare
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-08
Updated: 2012-01-08
Packaged: 2017-10-29 05:30:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/316330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaineddove/pseuds/chaineddove, https://archiveofourown.org/users/stillskies/pseuds/stillskies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>CLAMP puts on Twelfth Night, with the worst possible casting known to man (or to yellow plushie, as the case may be).  But at least if they fail, they'll fail fashionably...</p>
            </blockquote>





	As You Will, or Suppi’s Worst Nightmare

"But darling! Don’t you remember? You’re supposed to be in love with me!”

“Not when we’re not on stage, I’m not. Get off me.”

“Nakuru-chan! If you don’t stop fidgeting, I’m going to stick you with a pin! Tomoyo-chan, pass me the scissors, will you?”

“We are never going to get this scene right!”

“Did you know that when this play was first performed, all the roles were played by children? There was a fabric deficit in England, see, and so they had to make the costumes very small, and none of the actors would fit in them, so they had to-”

“Yes, yes, yes, of course. Will you stop telling stories and do something useful! And you! Stop glaring at me! You think I’m scared of you?”

“I think Kurogane-san naturally looks like that.”

“Maybe he and Fujitaka-san should switch roles?”

“I. Am not. Wearing yellow suspenders. Brat.”

“Fujitaka-san! Meaner! You have to be mean! Mean!”

“Like this?” Fujitaka smiled beatifically.

“No.” The rapid fluttering of Spinel’s wings was fairly indicative of his frustration, though his face remained mostly impassive. “You are not supposed to smile.”

Fujitaka’s smile dimmed a fraction, which didn’t do anything to diminish his kindly appearance. “That’s better,” Kero said with a nod which almost caused his hat to fall off his head.

“No. It really isn’t,” Spinel said. “At all, actually. What were you thinking when you cast this play?”

“I’m the director! My plan is perfect!”

“Wearing a beret doesn’t make you a director, Keroberos.”

“Sure it does! Yamazaki-kun said so!” Kero replied, glaring at Spinel. “And who said you could help direct, Suppi?”

“My name is not ‘Suppi,’” Spinel scowled. “It is Spinel. And furthermore, an idiot of your considerable talents couldn’t manage to get this off the ground without help.”

“I was doing fine! We’re at the final dress rehearsal, aren’t we?”

“Oh yes. Marvelous job, Keroberos. You’ve managed to direct a cast without an ounce of talent to stand around and say lines, the meaning of which completely eludes them. Marvelous.”

“Hey!” Nakuru piped in. “I have talent! I have lots of talent!”

“Yes, yes, Nakuru-chan, but your talent will be wasted if you BLEED ALL OVER THIS DRESS.”

The entire theatre fell into silence. Hokuto began whistling.

“Hokuto-chan is scary,” Chiharu said quietly.

“Hokuto-san is my hero,” Tomoyo chirped, pinning Chiharu’s apron in place.

“As you can see, Keroberos, the only thing that is on track is the costuming.”

Hokuto grinned and gave the directors a thumbs up. “Even if they fail, at least they’ll fail fashionably.”

Kurogane twitched.

“Tomoyo-chan? Can you go get Yukito-kun? He’s been getting into costume long enough,” Hokuto directed.

Tomoyo nodded and ran off to fetch Yukito, who was staring at himself in a full length mirror upper stage right.

“I don’t think this is quite right,” he said uncertainly.

“I think it looks marvelous! Hokuto-san is a fantastic designer!”

“But,” he began tentatively, “don’t you think this dress is a bit… extravagant for a play?”

“Nonsense,” Hokuto said cheerfully. “You need a nice dress to marry Touya-kun. You **want** to marry Touya-kun, don’t you?”

“Ah,” Yukito stammered. “It’s just for the play.” He looked at the two girls. “Right?”

“If that makes you feel better, then sure.”

“I don’t see why he gets to be Viola,” Nakuru groused. “I’m clearly the superior choice.”

“Because we don’t need another guy pretending to be a girl pretending to be a guy in this cast,” Kurogane said darkly.

“Kuro-chan is so mean! Tsukishiro-kun is doing exactly the same thing!” Nakuru wailed.

“He’s less irritating,” Kurogane told her shortly.

“You’re horrible!”

“And you look like a puff pastry.”

“Excuse me, Kurogane-san?” Hokuto said, turning around to give him a _look_.

“Just calling it like I see it,” Kurogane muttered, then went back to studiously staring at his script, ruining the image somewhat by not noticing he was holding it upside down.

“Didn’t you know, Kurogane-san?” Yamazaki chimed in. “In Shakespeare’s day, all the roles, even the roles of women, were played by men! It was an honor to play a woman! All of the male actors dreamed of it!”

“That’s… surprisingly mostly true,” Chiharu said. “Are you getting sick?”

“If that’s how it is, then why, exactly, is Sebastian being played by a girl?” Touya grouched. “And anyway, where is she?”

“Because Souma is special,” Tomoyo said serenely. “And she’ll be along. Eventually.”

“It isn’t as though she can improve on this, anyway,” Spinel said darkly. “It’s too far gone.”

“Besides,” Tomoyo cut in, “Nakuru-san is very lovely as the Countess Olivia.” She patted Nakuru’s shoulder in a placating manner. “This dress is perfect. The ruffles around the neck are brilliant.”

“See! Tomoyo-chan can recognize true talent!”

“Hokuto-san’s, maybe,” Spinel said dryly. “She’s the one who made it. It doesn’t take much talent to _wear_ a dress.”

“ **SUPPI!** ”

“There, Fujitaka-san. That’s what ‘anger’ looks like. Try it,” Kero suggested cheerfully. “Channel your inner Akizuki!”

“All done,” Hokuto said, stepping away from Yukito. “Kero-chan, you can have them back now.”

“Great!” Kero said. “Okay people! Final act from the top! Places, please!”

The disgruntled cast shuffled around the stage. Kero fluttered around them, giving what he thought of as helpful direction. Spinel watched from backstage as Yukito tripped over his dress and nearly went flying into a set piece. “They are going to destroy this show,” he said sadly.

“Absolutely,” Hokuto agreed, then reached out and patted him on the head. “But look on the bright side. At least they’ll look fabulous. Tomoyo-chan, would you go pin Yukito-kun’s lace back in place?”

An argument erupted on the other side of the stage between Chiharu and Kurogane. Spinel winced. Hokuto looked at him sympathetically, then pulled a bonbon out of her pocket, unwrapped it, and practically shoved it in his mouth. “Have some chocolate. You’ll feel better.”

A set piece came crashing down. Kero’s voice said, “Oops?” Spinel was starting to feel lightheaded and things suddenly didn’t seem quite so bad. There was another crash and a hysterical giggle. “I’ll take another one,” Spinel told Hokuto with all the dignity he could muster.


End file.
